somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
