Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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