Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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