Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She's not a foreskin expert like you
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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