Soap is not a condiment
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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