dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
