Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
