it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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