It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
