I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
