I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
