Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize