The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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