WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
