ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
