as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
