My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
