i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
