I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
