I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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