His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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