i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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