im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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