Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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