and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
