we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
