Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
