btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
