The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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