apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize