god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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