I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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