I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
