Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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