he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
