I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
