Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
