One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
