Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Alive.
So much puke
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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