Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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