I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
