Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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