I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize