Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
