the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
