Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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