You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
