My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
