I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
