is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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