i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
