she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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