Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
