That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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