My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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