Me too!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
