Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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