I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
