I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You are the jesus of drinking
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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