Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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