the condom got lost in my hair
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
