..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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