omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
