Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
