do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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