Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
