roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
